I Will Quit Smoking – With determination anyone could do it!

I am a confirmed non-smoker; a never have, never will kinda girl who finds it hard to believe that there are certain things in life that do not scare the pants off a long-standing smoker…like a heart attack for instance. My partner still smokes after suffering a heart at the age of just 49. These are his words trying to explain why…

I started smoking when I was 11 years old. I had been in boarding school since the age of 6; I was comfortably upholstered (ok, I was fat and was known as ‘slug’ to my peers) and wanted to fit in with the other lads in my school.

I achieved my goal of becoming one of the gang, which also meant having to try the various other substances that were smuggled into one of the best private schools in the UK. This made me and many other folk very ‘happy’ with life in general (this was the early 70′s!).

So, here I am, 39 YEARS LATER and I am still smoking (although all the other stuff had gone from my life by the end of the 70′s, along with the long hair and platform shoes). I have tried to give up a couple of timesalthough rather half-heartedly I have to admitand failed dismally.

In those 39 years, the amount that I have smoked in a day has varied from 5 to 70 cigarettes. As any other smoker will tell you, those little sticks keep you sane when times are rough, relationships are going wrong, and money is tight…yet we still seem to find the money for those ciggies hey.

The lowest I have been down to has been 5 a day…OK, so that was whilst in hospital recovering from surgery (and was forced into dangling precariously out of the bathroom window).

More recently, as the places where us lepers are allowed to commit our sin become fewer and further between, fines and jail time have been risked.

I have given up 3 times in total.

I had a partner a few years ago, who was also a smoker, so we decided to try and quit together. We started again roughly 2 weeks later before one of us killed the other.

The second time was 18 months ago. I made a promise to my new partner who doesn’t smoke. This time I failed for good old lack of willpower, (a lame duck excuse I guess). Mind you, she was nearly ready to be my ex-partner after about the first week, as I was such an, errmmm, not pleasant person!

Then I had a heart attack last year. Time to get serious thought I. I managed 3 weeks, but, like an idiot, I gave in to those darned cravings. It seemed that I couldn’t think of anything else; especially with being forced to rest and sit around. My Cardiologist had a few stern words with me…I had bumped into him sitting in the sunshine outside the hospital cafe. He told me to stop the smoking, kill the fat intake and ditch the caffeine…and all while he sat there eating a fried egg sandwich, drinking a strong black coffee and SMOKING A CIGARETTE!!

Both my parents were heavy smokers and managed to give up due to chronic illnesses; but then my mother passed away. She died of cancer at the age of 68.

I am 50, I am overweight and I have already had one heart attack, so there are many good reasons why I should stop smoking. But the fear that I have is what will replace that need, the hunger, the anxiety of quitting and it scares me beyond belief.

Of course it’s logical that I have no choice but to stop smoking, but then that little voice inside my head says hey, maybe if you cut down to just 10 smokes a day, wouldn’t that be good enough??

I hate these things so badly that have so much control over my life, especially being as I seem to need them more then the air that I actually endeavour to breathe.

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